My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
they're like a gay fantastic four
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize