I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
