just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
