Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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