i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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