i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
