why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
