we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
