I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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