Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
