It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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