I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
