still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
