Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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