don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
