I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
