I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
