do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
