he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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