He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
