my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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