sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
