I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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