I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
