your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
