I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
