i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
