Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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