Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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