she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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