i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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