i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
