____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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