Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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