i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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