He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
