I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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