I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
