I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
