hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
