i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
