Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
