i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
