I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
