Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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