even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
