So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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