Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
