I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
