this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
