This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
