One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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