I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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