Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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