I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
