I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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