I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
