i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
