that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
