I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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