Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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