Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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