dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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