This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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