Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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