that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
