I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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