i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
