I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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