sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
