I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
