I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
