I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
