The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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