You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
