We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
