I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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