i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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